i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
