How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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