so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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