i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
