I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
