DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
