last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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