I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
