I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
