i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
