She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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