Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
