I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
