Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
