we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
