Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
