Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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