Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
