im drinking this country out of the recession.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
