dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
