Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
