Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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