batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
