You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
