This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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