Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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