I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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