is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
