so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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