A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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