put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
