My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
