Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
