I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
