not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
