Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
