TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
