you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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