Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
