I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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