plz talk dirty to me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
