Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
