I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
