Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
