Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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