just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Randomize
