There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
