Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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