So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
