He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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