your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
