some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
